Witty Quotes

Are you ready to put your mind to the test? With these humorous quotations, it’s time to ignite those neurons and get philosophical…

Continue reading if you enjoy a good laugh and a decent puzzle. These intriguing sentences demonstrate that witty sayings maybe both amusing and smart tools for stimulating your mind.

So, with the funniest quotes from KIM, enjoy a little humor and add some depth to your outlook.

Wit Quotes

Better a witty fool than a foolish wit. – William Shakespeare, Twelfth Night

A person with a sharp tongue will eventually cut themselves.__J. Robson Koenig

A witty saying proves nothing.__Voltaire

A word of kindness is seldom spoken in vain, while witty sayings are as easily lost as the pearls slipping from a broken string.__George D. Prentice

Every habit makes our hand more witty, and out wit more handy.___Friedrich Nietzsche

Your wit makes others witty. – Catherine the Great

Pride only helps us to be generous; it never makes us so, any more than vanity makes us witty.___George Eliot

Wit is the lowest form of humor.___Alexander Pope

Humor is the truth; wit is an exaggeration of the truth.___Stan Laurel

Witty inspirations are the proverbs of the educated.___Karl Wilhelm Friedrich Schlegel

The Best Witty Quotes

Great art is the contempt of a great man for small art.___F. Scott Fitzgerald

It’s a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours.___Harry Truman

My mistakes are usually so enjoyable that I tend to repeat them.___Lisa Kleypas

Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.___Mark Twain

Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.___Bertrand Russell

The world is full of magical things patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.___Bertrand Russell

The cure for boredom is curiosity. There is no cure for curiosity.___Dorothy Parker

To err is human; to admit it, superhuman.___Doug Larson

I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don’t know the answer.___Douglas Adams

Leave something for someone but dont leave someone for something.___Enid Blyton

Arguing with a fool proves there are two. – Doris M. Smith

Worrying is like paying a debt you don’t owe.__Mark Twain

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.___Margaret Mead

The secret of the demagogue is to make himself as stupid as his audience so they believe they are clever as he.___Karl Krause

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.___Robert Benchley

Rhetoric abounds in the cemeteries of reason. – Miguel Queah

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.__Robert Frost

Fools learn from experience. Wise men learn from the experience of others.___Otto von Bismark

The man who does not read books has no advantage over the man that can not read them.__Mark Twain

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.___Steven Wright

I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.___Thomas Edison

Puns are the highest form of literature.___Alfred Hitchcock

A painting is worth a thousand confused art-gallery visitors.___Ljupka Cvetanova

If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.__Mark Twain

It is surprising what a man can do when he has to, and how little most men will do when they don’t have to.___Walter Linn

Playing it safe is the riskiest choice we can ever make. –Sarah Ban Breathnach

The problem human beings face is not that we aim too high and fail, but that we aim too low and succeed.___Michelangelo

An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory.____Ralph Waldo Emerson

The important thing to remember is not to forget. – Benny Bellamancia

Don’t worry about people stealing an idea. If it’s original, you will have to ram it down their throats.___Howard Aiken

Faced with the choice between changing one’s mind and proving that there is no need to do so, almost everyone gets busy on the proof.___John Kenneth Galbraith

The liar’s punishment is not in the least that he is not believed, but that he cannot believe anyone else.___George Bernard Shaw

I’m an angel. The horns are only there to hold up the halo.___Suzanne Wrightt

The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it’s the same problem you had last year.___John Foster Dulles

I’ll go anywhere as long as it’s forward.____David Livingstone

It’s true hard work never killed anybody, but I figure, why take the chance?___Ronald Reagan

Knowledge is proud she knows so much; wisdom is humble that she knows no more.___William Cowper

We don’t see things as they are. We see them as we are.___Anais Nin

Never try to have the last word. You might get it.___Robert Heinlein

Sarcastic Quotes

She has all of the virtues I despise, and none of the vices I admire.___Winston Churchill

There are only two great tragedies in life: one is not getting what you want and the other is getting it.___Oscar Wilde

There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done.___Peter F. Drucker

All generalizations are false, including this one. – Mark Twain

The best computer is a man, and it’s the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labor.__Wernher von Braun

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.__Douglas Adams

The man is as useless as nipples on a breastplate.― George R.R. Martin

Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it.___George Bernard Shaw

People who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.__Isaac Asimov

If you must make a noise, make it quietly. – Oliver Hardy

A person is wise if he listens to millions of advice and doesn’t implement any of it.___Michael Bassey Johnson

It is far better to be alone, than to be in bad company.___George Washington

I suppose it is tempting, if the only tool you have is a hammer, to treat everything as if it were a nail.___Abraham Maslow

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.___Steven Wright

Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don’t laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions.― Criss Jami

If you want to make enemies, try to change something.___Woodrow Wilson

One man’s theology is another man’s belly laugh.___Robert Heinlein

I not only use all the brains I have, but all that I can borrow.___Woodrow Wilson

Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else?___James Thurber

The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius.___Oscar Wilde

The literal meaning of life is whatever you’re doing that prevents you from killing yourself.― Albert Camus

Ask me no questions, and I’ll tell you no fibs.___Oliver Goldsmith

Courtship is to marriage, as a very witty prologue to a very dull play.___William Congreve

Do your own thinking independently. Be the chess player, not the chess piece.__Ralph Charell

I never liked you, and I always will. – Samuel Goldwyn

Ironic Witty Quotes

If you’re going to tell people the truth, be funny or they’ll kill you.___Billy Wilder

Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.__Cullen Hightower

We learn from experience that men never learn anything from experience.__George Bernard Shaw

I’d rather have 1% of the effort of 100 men than 100% of my own effort.___J. Paul Getty

Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?___Jay Leno

I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.___Mark Twain

I can resist everything except temptation. – Oscar Wilde

Do not make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans or they will treat you like dogs.___Martha Scott

A woman’s mind is cleaner than a man’s: She changes it more often.___Oliver Herford

Instant gratification takes too long. – Carrie Fisher

It is not what you gather but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived.___Helen Walton

If an apology is followed by an excuse or a reason, it means they are going to commit same mistake again they just apologized for.___Amit Kalantri

I would have written a shorter letter, but I did not have the time.___Mark Twain

Learning to ignore things is one of the great paths to inner peace.___Robert J. Sawyer

Liberty means responsibility. That is why most men dread it.____George Bernard Shaw

The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, and wiser people so full of doubts.___Bertrand Russell

Men are the sport of circumstances when it seems circumstances are the sport of men.___Lord Byron

I respect only those who resist me, but cannot tolerate them.___Charles de Gaulle

It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.___Thomas Sowell

He must be very ignorant for he answers every question he is asked.__Voltaire

Some people are so far behind they actually think they’re leading.___Dominic Chianese, The Sopranos

Action will destroy your procrastination.___Og Mandino

By working faithfully eight hours a day, you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.___Robert Frost

The Best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend.___Abraham Lincoln

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