Who better to speak on the financial issues that married couples face than someone who has dealt with millions of divorcees?
As the founder of the media site WealthySingleMommy.com, I’ve met, heard tales from, and been asked for help from a plethora of people who were once in committed relationships but are no longer.
I am divorced and have been cohabitating couples with a divorced man for a long time. And I can vouch for what several polls and marriage therapists have said: money is the most common reason for a relationship’s demise.
In this post, I’ve compiled a list of the most typical money conflicts that couples encounter, as well as some expert advice on how to frame them in meaningful ways that might help couples maintain long-term relationship harmony.
However, before you can settle any money issues in your connection, you must first accept the following truths:
Money Is Important.
It is a child’s mindset that it makes no difference how much wealth you have, who earns it, or whether you save or spend it. While having your basic requirements met, some savings, and a limited spending budget do not guarantee happiness, studies show that having your basic needs met, some savings and a moderate spending budget do add to overall happiness.
It makes a difference who earns more. Money is power, and while many couples effectively co-mingle their finances and resolve wage disparities, whoever earns a higher salary, has family money, or has brought more assets into the partnership has control over the other.
That isn’t to imply that there aren’t other sources of power in relationships, such as physical, mental, and spiritual well-being, or a wealth of social and familial resources, but money is unquestionably one of them.
Money disputes will inevitably arise. Disagreement about money does not indicate that a relationship is inherently defective or doomed. Money is simply one of the many important yet humdrum aspects of a partnership that you must manage.
Money is a long-term investment. Rolling with change and turbulence is an exercise in all kinds of relationships. Your personal and family fortunes will fluctuate. Finance-related attitudes and requirements will evolve and deteriorate.
Let’s move on to the three most prevalent causes of money squabbles between couples, as well as some potential solutions, now that we’ve faced those hard truths.
1) Discontent at Having to Give Up a Career
The practical and existential challenge of our time is how to raise children and care for aged relatives while also paying the mortgage.
That pressure can swiftly develop to bitter animosity in households where one spouse has stopped or downshifted his or her work, chosen a low-paying path, or is generally more family-focused than career-focused.
It can, however, be navigated:
Recognize the societal and economic demands on parents, particularly women, to stay at home full-time. Those strains are real! According to the Pew Research Center, 60 percent of Americans believe that having a parent at home full time is best for their children.
According to University of California studies (who did not inquire about the influence of dads’ jobs), a full 35% of us believe that mothers working outside the home hurt school-aged children. These are stereotypes, and they pervade our decisions about where we live, work, raise our families, and spend our money.
Plan for the stay-at-home parent to go back to work. A growing amount of data shows that both moms and dads benefit from working outside the home for a living. When moms work, their children benefit, their mothers’ mental and emotional health improves, families are less prone to poverty, and divorce rates are lower for couples earning the same amount of money.
Pay attention to both the science and your gut instincts.
The cost of child care is an investment in both jobs. Frequently, families think of the prohibitive expenses of child care as being offset by the lower-earning spouse staying at home to care for the children. That monthly daycare payment, on the other hand, supports two parents’ ability to work, earn, advance in their careers, prosper personally and socially, and benefit the entire family. Furthermore, it has been proven that quality child care benefits children.
2) Differences Of Opinion How Much Should You Save and Spend?
Money is an energy force, and some people like to let it flow through their accounts and into the world as soon as it leaves the bank, taking pleasure in the practical goods it delivers as well as a sense of charity by sharing or giving to others.
These objectives could include debt repayment, mortgage repayment, education savings, a boat, house improvement, or a vacation. Make a plan for how you’ll celebrate when you’ve reached your goal.
Examine your financial tales. I tend to over-save since large balances provide me with a sense of peace that was lacking during my childhood when money was a major source of stress. Because of their nervousness about their social class, a group of close friends is living on the edge of financial ruin, spending the majority of their high salaries on fancy cars and the latest electronics. Simply understanding these traumas and peculiarities can lead to personal financial equilibrium as well as a romantic connection.
3) Discontent Of The Primary Breadwinner
While there is a wealth of journalistic and academic study on parents’ efforts to juggle family care and work, less has been written about the demands on breadwinners to shoulder the financial burden of a family on their own. Despite all of the legislation changes and widespread recognition of women as professional equals around the world, the majority of us still believe that it is a man’s responsibility to bring home the bacon. This has an effect.
When men were the sole breadwinner, they were the most worried and battled with mental health, according to a recent study of married couples aged 18 to 32. There are a few things you can do to get started:
Both parties in the partnership can have open and honest discussions regarding domestic chores, working hours, and who does what. Be open about how such responsibilities are divided between men and women: Is it common for a woman to spend more time caring for her children and doing housework?
Is the man doing more yardwork (as heterosexual spouses have been shown to do in studies)? Look into where those assumed roles originate from, possibly with the help of a therapist.
Household chores can be outsourced. Hire a housekeeper, order takeout, and hire a landscaper. Outsourcing housekeeping responsibilities, like child care, benefits both partners’ employment and reduces stress.
It also raises the likelihood that the gutters will be cleaned, the television will be dusted, and you and your spouse will not disagree over either.